Lets get real.... November 08 2013

I've been trying so hard to be conscious that it led me right to being conscious of other things...

So let's get real. 

If you didn't know already, I am a single 29 yr old mother of an 11 yr old boy who has cerebral palsy, but has extra special needs right now. He is 13 weeks post op from a major surgery. He is mostly in a wheelchair, but uses a walker some. With his limited physical capacities (very limited), we are homeschooling (and by "we" I mean my mother, while I rock the rehab drill sergeant routine)

Oh, did I mention that my mother lives with me right now too? Yup, all of us and a dog with anxiety... oh to be a fly on the wall at my house. 

Yesterday, I had one of those moments where I could literally step outside of my body and look at myself KNOWING I was wrong. 

It was 11 am, and feeling like nothing was getting done, there was so much to do, Trace did not have his braces on (which post op are gigantic!), no stretches had been done, no schoolwork started, breakfast had JUST been eaten, I had not sewn a damn thing, I couldn't find what I was looking for....

So I threw a TANTRUM (seriously, I might as well have been on the floor pounding my fists), frustrated with everyone and no one, complaining that no one was "helping me" get the day started, no one was working hard enough and we all needed to do better.

BLECH. I can hear myself right now and want to slap my OWN face. I am certain it will be a moment my son discusses in therapy later in life. 

The positive part was that in trying to be more conscious, I could immediately see what a baby I was being and fix it. (Normally, I would have been a righteous busy martyr for at least an hour) 

I owned it, apologized, made fun of myself. Later I went to  buy some guilt treats and made fun of myself some more. 

And today, I got to try harder and do a little better.

So let's be real...we ALL have been there. YOU are not alone with your flaws. With your meltdowns. Let's be conscious that this is a part of living. And that is ok. As long as we can "woman up" and laugh at ourselves.