#15- A club I never belonged to

Margaret Chaney

Until recently, I have always felt like there is a club I never belonged to...

Has there been a time in your life where you feel like you are exactly in the same place, yet do not belong there with those who are also in the same place?

I feel like so often in our adult lives, it is easy to feel alone. 

I have been a mom for longer than most of my friends. But my journey has been so different. And as my friends began to get married and have their babies, I was in a place where my child's struggles began, and I was still single. 

How different this made me feel. I would always refer to the group I did not belong to as "mommy and me". These other moms, who went to "mommy and me" classes, or preschool groups, or PTA meetings...they had husbands with careers, had normal baby showers, and were beginning their motherhood journey in a more "traditional" way than I was existing. 

So I felt left out- cast out- I even had friends that I stopped hanging out with because (whether it was them or me) it was no longer a fit that felt "right". 

I know that so many of us feel like this at one point or another- like we are in a club no one else is. Maybe we are getting a divorce, or have lost a child or a spouse, or just feel very different.  Maybe we are struggling with a deep personal issue that leaves us on an island....Maybe life has thrown us a curve ball we didn't feel ready to catch...

THIS IS OK! That island is not that far from any other island, my friends, because each woman I have encountered has their own...we all can connect on THAT level.

I realized this lately, because I was fortunate enough to connect deeply with a friend I have actually known for some time. When you reach out and truly try to connect with someone else, you will find your own niche in that relationship. This is special- this is true- this is so very vital to your journey...

My friend Christa, is a rock star. She has 4 sweet babies, and she is a stay at home, home schooling, mama. She strives for an organic, mostly paleo, diet for her family. She is married to a kind man, who used to come into my Hickory shop to find the perfect gift for her. I used to feel so far away from that kind of life. Since the last several months have also led me to homeschooling and a mostly paleo diet, I felt so connected to her, even though we are still different in other ways. 

 But then through a series of circumstances, I had the opportunity to spend time with her. And I am so thankful. First of all, it has provided me with countless hours of baby holding time already! Her sweet baby boy has chunky cheeks that remind me of Trace, and lets me hold him for hours. (If there was a career holding babies, I would be the CEO of the world. I love it that much!)

But more than that, we have so many things in common, and I cherish our talks and time. We usually run on and on, in a roundabout, spastic line of conversation, but always can come back to the beginning. I love this friendship. I cherish this time with another strong mama, who shares so many of the same fears and joys as I do. Even though our journeys are so different! 

I had the wonderful opportunity to attend "The Makers Summit" with her last weekend. Christa makes beautiful crochet accessories at "Oradale Handmade". We journeyed to SC at 6 am and spent a wonderful day learning and sharing. We both wanted to stalk our "maker heroes" (haha), laughed a lot, spent lots of time holding that sweet baby, and shared our impressions of what it means to work harder in a handmade world that can be kind of rough at times.

Even though we both had lunchtime cake exceptions and then my sugar crash had me feeling like a bear, she "got it" and helped me through the weekend. THIS is a true friend. (if you ever have tried a sugar, gluten free diet, you will get this!)

So my post today is to encourage you to not be afraid to connect to someone you want to- even though they may seem to be in a club you can't belong to. You may find the sweetest friend of all...


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